Monday, March 29, 2010

Why Did We Like This? An American Tail

Friday night was a good night for snuggling on the couch together and watching a movie. We were flipping through our choices on Netflix (Netflix + XBox = Netflix streaming on our TV, wheee!) and Ryan settled on Don Bluth's 1986 feel-good paean to the American dream, An American Tail. We remembered both liking the movie as kids, and figured we'd give Piper a run at it. We're pretty picky about what we let her watch, but from what we remembered, this should meet our critera. And it's not like she could ask us to buy her 586 Fievel toys next time we go to Target. Until she learns how to use Ebay, we'd be safe.

She got squirmy and ran around destroying things after about 15 minutes, as usual, but begged us not to turn it off when we tried. Which was unfortunate. Like so many things we enjoyed as children, this movie made us want to poke our eyes out as adults.

R: Why did we like this again?
S: I don't know. I just don't know. 
R: His tongue is freaky. It just keeps poking out of his mouth like it has a mind of its own. Why the hell does a mouse have a tongue that huge?
S: His adorable child-like manner of speaking makes me want to punch that little mouse in the face.

R: Why don't his clothes fit? They don't have proper clothing in Russia?
S: I guess not. Not even in Imaginary Cartoon Russia.
R: You think at some point he would just cut off the ends of those sleeves.
S: If he loses that stupid hat again, I am going to SCREAM.

R: Why is the seagull wearing a tuxedo and a top hat?
S: I think it's a pigeon.
R: Okay, but why does he have to be French?
S: Uhh...because pigeons just crap all over everything and are completely annoying and useless?
R: And have to take prostitutes everywhere they go, apparently.

R: Oh, COME ON! That's like the fifth time Fievel has almost but not quite crossed paths with his family. The fake-anticipation is making my eyeballs itch.
S: Now I understand why my mom got that look on her face whenever we asked to watch this movie. I understand why the videotape would mysteriously disappear for months at a time. And why, when they took us to see it in the theater, all the other parents looked physically uncomfortable.

R: Oh, wow! You know what this means?
S: What?
R: The entire rest of the Mousekewitz family went through Ellis Island or wherever, like they're supposed to, but Fievel snuck in. He's an illegal alien!
S: Ooh, they're gonna have to come and get him with guns, like Elian Gonzalez.

S: Oh, look, they got the cats. Does this mean the movie is over?
R: YES. And now let's never watch it again. We shall not even speak of it from this day forth.
S: Agreed.

Unfortunately, we forgot to get Piper in on this little pact. She's been asking to "watch the mouse one again."

P: You wanna watch the mouse one again? Please? We can watch the mouse one.
S: Uhh...I don't know kiddo, I don't think I can find it.
P: Can you look for the mouse one please? Mommy can find it?
S: Here, let's watch this instead! ("This" was the Shirley Temple verson of Heidi, non-colorized thankyouverymuch)
P: I don't like this one. I want the mouse one. Can we watch a different one? The mouse one?
S: You don't like this one? It's about a little girl and her grandpa.
P: I don't want this grandpa one. I don't like this one. I want THE MOUSE ONE.

Lucky for me, it was bedtime.

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