Buying This Game For Your Kids Is Redundant

Seriously. Why would I willingly bring that box into my house?

Oh, Hell No

Sorry Anthropologie, but even you cannot convince me that pleated khaki shorts are cool.

Some Stuff About and For Mother's Day

We don't celebrate Mothers' Day around here much, for a variety of reasons. It was never a huge deal to me in the first place, and this year it will be the anniversary of Chick's death, which isn't the happiest of associations. I have some ideological problems with its evolution from Julia Ward Howe's pleas for peace to the hyper-commercialized backhanded compliment of its current incarnation, with plenty of stops for misogyny and trivialization along the way. Aside: Did y'all see this episode of The Middle? I laughed so hard I thought I was going to require an oxygen tank.

Anyway.

Our finances are usually tight enough that my pathological aversion to spending money on myself kicks in and outlaws whatever gesture my husband proposes despite my ideological objections. If he presses, I always tell him that I don't need trinkets or slippers or candy; I'd much rather have a home project completed (like, uhh, the pile of framed pictures that have been sitting around NOT on the wall, for three months and counting) or an afternoon to work ALONE in the house.  Getting a pile of crap off the floor and up onto the shelves and walls where it belongs or having time to finish a whole paragraph is way more valuable to me than stuff.  Although if he wanted to bring me back a jumbo-size caramel latte, I wouldn't say no.

BUT.

If someone did ask me, "What do you want for Mother's Day?" and I were inclined to answer something other than "someone to do the mountain of laundry currently creating a fire hazard in the hallway," this would be my list.

1. Eames House Blocks from House Industries (found via Handmade Charlotte):  Look at these, would you?

So gorgeous. No, I would not let my daughter play with them. They are $150 per set (of 36; 20 for the house, 16 for the studio) and besides, they are MINE.

2. A screenprinting machine. After seeing Kathleen's awesome "What the FRAK" shirt in this post (that's a Battlestar Galactica reference, for those of you who are not as nerdy as me), I decided immediately that I must have one. Must. Have. One. So that I may fill our house with screen-printed items which pay tribute to all our favorite things (no, not Beets-Bears-Battlestar Galactica, but close). My first project would be making Piper a "Nugget" shirt (that's another BSG reference, my nerdiness knows no bounds).

3. This "Consomme Cap" from Anthropologie:

It's so cute. But $48 for something which I will wear a lot but will also get stuffed in my bag, sweated on profusely, and occasionally wind up on the floor of my closet...maybe I'll try making one someday.

4. Landscapers. Seriously. Our side-yard is entirely (no, REALLY) covered in dandelions so big I suspect our house may have been built on a nuclear waste dump. Our entire front yard is clover. I have spent many hot, cranky hours out there already, ripping and digging and pushing my weed-pulling tools to the limits of their strength, and it doesn't look any better. I just want someone to come fix it, because I am at a loss. Oh, and can they put up a privacy fence while they're out there? I am tired of kids stealing Piper's toys out of our yard and playing on our swings.

5. This "Necktie Tote," also from Anthropologie:

Mmmmmm. It comes in blue, too, and I can't quite decide which I like best:

Probably the green, I suppose. I already have a wicked awesome blue-and-yellow bag a friend bought me for Christmas one year (it was, um, also from Anthro. I think I have a leeetle problem).

6. A gift certificate to Sew, Mama, Sew! or Repro Depot or Crafty Planet so I can stock up on nice fabrics and those Oliver + S patterns I am itching to make for all the kids in my orbit.

7. Some Mama jewelry. Sure, it's a little hokey, but so what? If motherhood doesn't give me the right to indulge my shamelessly-sentimental side, what does? I like the Odette Alfaro stuff (giveaway here), Hipmom, Cinnamon Sticks, and Turtle Love Co.

8.Sheer Jersey Scarf by Zen Threads, gray/white stripe with bike print.  I make a little EEEEEEEEEE noise every time I see it:

9. One of the Gossamer Scarves from Uniform Natural - everyone raves about them, and I've made myself a couple of gauze scarves, but these seem so much nicer. I'd like to see what all the fuss is about.

10. Some TOMS shoes. I am curious, the shoes are cute, and they are, by all accounts, a terrific company.  I really like the Boaobab Sunset Linen Classics:

 But the Silver Glitters are also pretty sweet (gold, too). And I find the Vegan Wrap Boots fascinating.

So that's my imaginary list. Hope everyone's weekends - and Mother's Day - goes off without a hitch!

How NOT to Have a Happy Holiday.

It's not a good idea to go to the grocery store at 8:00 pm 2 days before Xmas with a 2.5-year-old.

It's an even worse idea to do this WITHOUT A LIST.

It's always a bad idea to go to the grocery store without a list, but it's so much worse to go into a store stuffed full! of holiday! cheer! and shoppers who have glazed eyes and flecks of foam coming out of their mouths, while dragging a 2-year-old (who, to her credit, was pretty patient with me) and oh did I mention we hadn't eaten dinner yet? ALL THIS WITHOUT A LIST. I spent $25, I have no idea what I bought, and I know I'm going to have to go back tomorrow. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Friday Fashion: Shoes From Delia's

I love Delia's, although I feel a bit old shopping there these days. It's a website/catalog/store aimed at teens and 'tweens, which I am definitely not. But I've bought and worn their stuff since I actually was part of their target market, so I guess that just makes me a loyal customer, not ridiculous.

I think I have aged out of much of their offerings - I am not really in the market for Paul Frank bikinis, novelty t-shirts, or prom dresses - I'm never to old to shop for shoes.

Take, for example, these lovely things, the "Keds Dallas Wedge."
I have found myself loving yellow in the past year or so, and these hit all the right spots. They look like just the right mix of comfy and flirty and durable. Oh, and affordable, since they're on clearance for $29.99

There's a wide variety of Converse, including these beauties:
I love these "Converse Tweed Oxfords" very much (although I think that's a herringbone not a tweed but whatever), but I do not love the $55.50 asking price.

Side note: When did Converse get to be so expensive?! My favorite shoes are a pair of suede One-Stars that I have nearly loved to death and searching for a replacement has given me serious sticker shock. Right now, it appears I will have to replace my $15 super-comfy and awesomely-fitting originals with $70 shoddily-constructed ones that don't fit the same. I loved these shoes for the way the cradled my super-narrow feet, and all the ones I can find now have me feeling like I've just put on flippers. Anyway, back to the eye-candy:

These "Regal Boots" may be the answer to my quest for the perfect brown boot. Of course, there's also these, which may satisfy my totally inexplicable craving for a pair of cowboy-ish boots:

"Dingo Harness Leather Boot," $109.50. Similar, and also lovely:

"Blowfish Tough Stuff Suede Boot," on clearance for $79.50. Really, I think these have it all: a little bit Western with the saddle-yoke on the front, a little bit rock n' roll with the buckles, and a lot practical with the height, so that you don't freeze your legs off or get snow in your shoes.

I'm going to shut up now, because this post is long enough and I could talk about shoes all day.

Friday Fashion: Little Feet

I love Livie and Luca shoes. I have not yet bought a pair for Piper, but that has not stopped me from obsessing about them. I daydream about buying her these in every size:


Ahhhhh! Couldn't you just have a heart attack from all the cute?! These are pretty good, too:


And would get a lot of use, considering that half her wardrobe is purple.

However, at $47 a pair, for something that she would scuff in two seconds flat, these will have to remain on my wishlist, for now at least.

Win 20 Pairs of Baby Legwarmers

Baby Snazz must have people around who are as obsessed with the baby legwarmers as I am, because they're having an awesome giveaway. 20 pairs of legwarmers! An unimagninable bounty of riches, as far as I'm concerned. See their contest page for entry form, rules, & regulations.

Friday Fashion Ramblings: Forever 21 Dresses

Kathleen at The Tumtum Tree made a rather alarming (or is it amazing?) discovery recently. And oh, Dude, it's even on sale! This prompted me to go poking around on Forever 21's website, because I always forget that I like to shop there. Er, rather, I like to shop there for some things, since not a lot of their clothes are built to accommodate my extremely generous bustline.

I guess that is part of the appeal of online window-shopping; I can sit here at home in my jammies and browse page after page of lovely frocks without going into the store and actually having to face the fact that there is no way I could ever, ever squeeze my, um, ladies into one. But from here, I can pretend all I want (for free).

Take this dress for example. I luuuuurrrrve it. It's so 1920's to me, I would need to curl my hair just to wear it. I would have to get a perfect cloche hat, or a sparkly headband with a feather, and a long bunch of pearls and some gorgeous button-strap mary janes. Then I would walk around pretending to be Marion Davies, partying it up with Charlie Chaplin and WRH on board that yacht with poor doomed Tom Ince. I would have to watch The Cat's Meow for inspiration. And probably Citizen Kane, too.


Look at this dress. It's in that azure/aquamarine blue that I find myself crazy for right now (two knitting projects and counting in that color) and would not go amiss with my Cat's Meow look described above. Or I could put on a choker with a big white flower, don a pair of strappy metallic sandals (like, oh, I don't know, maybe these), and pretend to be Carrie Bradshaw for the day. I could do it in this dress, too.

This dress is simple yet dramatic and it sort of reminds me of Jennifer Garner's style in 13 Going on 30 (I love that movie). I think it would be a really adaptable piece...even if it does look a little like lingerie from Frederick's of Hollywood.

I am not, however, so sure about this thing. Or this one. Or this dress either. They all look like bad 1980's couches, the sort of upholstery you see on the neglected furniture occupying college-house front porches.

Little Boxes (Of Vegetables)

Three weeks ago, we picked up our last produce box of the season. They're still doing the boxes for a little while longer, just not at our usual pickup spot. The logistics of getting all the way downtown (sorry, I mean Uptown) once a week have recently gotten quite complex, and as much as we love the boxes, we have not been able to figure out how to get to the other drop point at the appointed time.

This means that for the first time in several months, I have to go to the grocery store. It's not that I didn't go before; we needed bread and milk every week or so. But this? This roaming the aisles, half-assed list in hand, struggling to figure out what I'm supposed to be buying in order to keep us from eating our shoes some time during the week? It's HORRIBLE.

I had gotten used to starting with ingredients first - looking at our weekly box and going "Okay, I have 6 ears of corn, 2 butternut squash, 4 tomatoes..." and figuring out what to make of them. Now I have to start with an idea or (worse yet) a recipe, tracking down ingredients and trying to use the stuff I bought before it goes bad. Which, since it's no longer the super-fresh local things we had been getting, means I have about ten minutes before it starts to grow fur and bite my hand when I reach into the produce drawer of our fridge.

I find the produce department at the grocery store sort of revolting now - all those piles of over-waxed apples, irradiated avocados, sickly, pale tomatoes, strawberries the size of ping-pong balls (with about as much flavor). All that stuff which seemed tolerable before but is utterly disgusting now that I've had the real thing. All that stuff that has traveled so far to get to us, sprayed with God-knows-what to keep the bugs out, all picked far too green yet it still spoils a day or two after I get it home. It's one thing to be making do with tasteless, grainy trucked-in produce; it's even more irritating to have it rot practically on the drive home.

Apple & Pumpkin Pocket Pie Molds

I NEED THESE. RIGHT NOW.

Look what I could make! Don't they look delicious?
Think of all the time I'd save! I could just roll out the dough and presto! Mini-pies all ready to go in the oven.



I like to make hand-size pies, because I mostly make fruit pies and my husband only eats pie if it has cream or chocolate in it. Well, that's not entirely true, he has willngly eaten my fruit pies on a few occasions, but only because I made him feel guilty. The chocolate-bourbon-pecan pie he has no trouble demolishing, but the blueberry or the pear with asiago-rosemary crust is all mine. So I like to make little ones, freeze them, and have them for breakfast. But it's such hard, time-consuming work, and requires that I not be interrupted for at least 35 minutes while I roll and cut and fill and crimp. That is impossible in this house. Someone always needs something, and they always need it when I'm in the middle of something else. But with these molds, it would go so fast, I could easily knock out a dozen mini-pies in between disasters.

Originally found at The TumTum Tree.

Stuff Under Twenty Giveaway: Woven Bracelet

The wonderful ladies of Stuff Under Twenty are back with another great giveaway. This time it's a beautiful woven bracelet of your choice from Etsy seller Brooklyn Thread.

I spent 45 minutes looking at (and drooling over) Brooklyn Thread's offerings. I love bracelets, and these simple, elegant designs totally hit the mark. Check 'em out, and enter the giveaway!

Vocabulary, and a birthday.

Everyone go check out Antoinette's shop, Vocabulary. Very cute clothing, made by a very cute person. Show some love.

In other news:

Today's my birthday.

I hate my birthday.

But I would like some red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, and a bottle of Saint Clair Vicar's Choice Sauvignon Blanc 2008. I saw red velvet cupcakes and sampled the wine this weekend. I haven't been able to get either of them off my mind ever since.

Other things that I would like: a pedicure, a trip to the movies, or someone to come organize my house for me.

I already got my present (an iPhone, which I am still learning how to use) a couple of weeks ago. My very nice husband didn't want to count it as my present, but I told him nonsense. Buying me what is essentially a $200 toy two weeks before my birthday counts as a present. So this morning he let me sleep in until the princely hour of 9:30, made me breakfast, gifted me a bag containing several bottles of SoBe Black & Blueberry water (my new favorite treat-beverage) and then we went out to run some errands. I had a caramel latte, I bought a Charley Harper calendar to cut up and frame for wall art, I got my wedding ring cleaned, we got lunch at Qdoba, we went to the hardware store to look for some stuff. Not bad.

He's at work now, he has to work some crazy shift until 2:00 in the morning. So I am here with Miss Crabb-a-Lot, who didn't take a nap today and is consequently demanding popsicles and whining like there is no tomorrow.

At least it's not 97 degrees today.

Something I'm Loving: B&W skirt

I'm not sure if I could pull this off (I'm pretty short, and I have a hunch it would make me look like a lampshade), but I love it anyway. I think it craves a really awesome black wide-brimmed hat with a white band.

Found at Stuff Under Twenty.

A Few of My Favorite Things, #1

I'm about to have a selfish blogging moment and talk all about me. Feel free to run screaming for the hills.

This is my favorite t-shirt. I love it so much that I wash it in cold water and hang-dry it every single time, because I want it to last until I am old and grey and wheelchair-bound. I got it for either $5 or $10 (I can't remember anymore) during one of the big semi-annual sales at Threadless. We love Threadless around this house - Piper's love of monsters and their $5 sale are a match made in heaven.

I cannot tell you exactly what I love so much about this design, but I can tell you that when I first clicked onto that product page, I got the joke right away and knew what the title would be. It made me laugh out loud, right there at my computer. I knew I had to have it. The design has sold out, and I hope that someday they will do a reprint, so I can buy an extra in case anything happens to my beloved tee.

More Awesome People Who Give Things Away

Are y'all reading Stuff Under Twenty? You should be. I have to hide my credit cards before I pull up their feed in my Reader. So much good stuff! So cheap!

This week they're giving away a pretty awesome t-shirt. WANT.

What Not To Get A Teacher

This week was "Teacher Appreciation Week."

Some administrator-or-other gave candy to the teachers at Ryan's school. It would've been nice if, instead of candy, they had appreciated the teachers by giving them a) a raise, b) a union, and c) bullwhips, but whatever. At least it was something - three pieces of candy.

His kids stole it off his desk.

That pretty much sums up his education experience right there.

In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, I would like to review some things NOT to give a teacher as gifts.

1. Anything with apples on it. Do you have any idea how much apple-themed crap a teacher collects over the years? I think this is a much worse plague at the elementary level, where your kid only has one teacher so you may feel compelled to give gifts throughout the year. Seriously, leave the be-appled knicknacks, notepads, hats, coffee mugs, plush items, and pencils at home.

2. Anything you got as a gift but didn't want. This includes but is not limited to: coffee mugs; coffee mugs with candy in them; coffee mugs with stuffed animals in them; stinky perfume, bath soap, or lotion; an eye-poppingly bad blouse in size 3XL; novelty socks (and for God's sake don't wear them first); and my personal favorite, a bottle of shampoo you used half of but "just didn't care for."

3. Coffee mugs. Teachers are already pretty adept at getting their hot drinks into their mouths. Please stop with the coffee mugs.

4. Calendars - wall, desk, or otherwise. They did have to graduate from college, so most teachers can figure out what day it is without 35 calendars to remind them.

5. Animals - live, stuffed, or otherwise. And if it's something you caught in the woods behind your house, please don't even bring it to school.

Some Things That Teachers Might Actually Like:

1. Coffee gift cards - even if they don't drink coffee, they can enjoy hot chocolate, a smoothie, or tea. Nothing says "thanks for putting up with my child for more hours in the day than I can stand to be around him" like a free beverage.

2. Bookstore gift cards - so they can read something that doesn't have "TEACHER'S EDITION" on it, or isn't so grammatically incorrect they want to poke their eyes out.

3. Supplies for their classroom - ask the teacher what they need. Things like art supplies, toilet paper, and paper towels are in short supply at a lot of schools. Stock the cupboard. Assuming the kids won't immediately steal it all, of course.

4. Cheesecake. Unless they're lactose-intolerant, of course.

5. This gift guide is not so bad, except for the apple earrings. The necklace is actually kind of cute. I am usually lukewarm on these kinds of "guides" (an $80 robe? $120 baby romper? Really?), but some of the suggestions on there are pretty cool, useful, and affordable, like the alphabet print or the personalized note cards. The copper hand bell, not so much.

For The Love Of Ikea

I have been in a low spot lately. Too many problems, not enough solutions. When I get down in the dumps, I am cranky, morose, and mopey, but my husband is positively intolerable. He just runs around repeating "What can I do? What can I do? How can I help? What will make you happy?" and getting progressively more hyper about it until I either shriek "You can leave me alone for ten minutes!" or throw something at his head. Obviously that is not a good solution to either of our restless emotional states, so a different tactic was required.

I made Ryan take me to Ikea today, because that is my happy place. Really, who doesn't like to go to Ikea and pretend that they live in those tiny, well-organized fake apartments? I love organizational things, boxes and crates and bags and drawer dividers and pencil holders and pot racks and spoon holders and memo boards and baskets and hampers. I am obsessed with bed linens, too - I collect them the way some people do teacups or vintage buttons. Ikea allows me to get my ya-yas out in these areas pretty cheaply. Sometimes, like on today's visit, I don't even need to buy anything. Just knowing that I could compartmentalize every inch of our silverware drawer or each pair of socks I own is enough.

They say you can't buy happiness, but I think They just haven't witnessed two floors' worth of furniture and kitchen gadgets with amusing names. Not to mention the smell of cinnamon rolls that permeates the place. And the best frozen yogurt I've ever had, for just $1.

My happy place should probably be a meditation garden somewhere, or inside my own head, or a certain bridge in Amsterdam just as twilight is falling or something, and not a retail establishment. I suppose this makes me very bourgeois and Middle American and what-have-you. But you know what?

They do not have free childcare on special bridges in Amsterdam;

There are no tranquil meditation gardens within a 17-minute drive from my house;

And it is very hard to find good cinnamon rolls inside my own head.

Next Year Everyone Is Getting a Lobstergram

1. We finished our holiday shopping last weekend, which was pretty good considering we didn't start until the weekend of Dec. 6th. It only took one episode of us screaming at each other in the mall parking lot, two online orders, one case of me speaking to Ryan through gritted teeth in the middle of the bookstore, eight eggnog lattes and twenty-six apologies to do it. I cannot count how many lessons we learned this year. They were not fun lessons, but valuable; we already have a plan of attack for next year's holiday gifting, one which thankfully does not rely on my speedy completion of handicrafts or Ryan's ability to refrain from cracking jokes when I am already pissed off.

2. Those same gifts that were nearly the cause of a divorce were supposed to be wrapped Saturday night/Sunday afternoon, packaged up, and taken to the post office on Monday. We bought The Golden Compass to watch while wrapping Saturday night. Not much in the way of actual wrapping and packaging got done. From the big pile of stuff, three things got wrapped, none of which are being mailed anywhere. His parents' present (a collection of photos in a frame) is not even half done and although Ryan assures me that he'll figure out some way to ship a picture frame with four glass panels in it, he has yet to come up with any useful ideas. Mostly what happened Saturday was we tried to wrap things together, then I got bossy and Ryan got mad, so he retired to the couch to play with his new deck of trick cards and I spent several hours saying "PIPER! GET DOWN NO! STOP TOUCHING THAT! GET OFF THE TABLE! PUT THE SCISSORS DOWN! BRING THAT BACK HERE! STOP EATING THAT! LEAVE IT ALONE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP POKING THE CAT WITH THE SCISSORS! DON'T TOUCH THAT! DON'T TOUCH DON'T TOUCH DON'T TOUCH DON'T TOUCH PUT IT BAAAAAAAAAACK!"

3. It is now Thursday and not a single thing has been wrapped all week. Ryan keeps responding with his usual "chill out, wouldja?" attitude when I explain every day that I need some (expletive) time without the baby in the house so I can (expletive) wrap the (expletive) presents so I can take them to the (expletive) post office because they are already going to be (expletive) late. The holiday season has not been good for my resolve to curse less (so that our exceptionally observant parrot daughter doesn't start repeating the f-word in public).

For Those As Obsessed As I Am

Indulging my well-documented obsession with Babylegs, the tiny-sized leg warmers, I am posting some sales links for those who also find them irresistable:

The excellent Banana Peels Diapers has a lot of deeply discounted designs, many half-off. I've ordered from BPD before and the customer service is OUTSTANDING. They seem to have a ton of designs on sale at the moment. Don't forget to check out their cloth-diapering supplies, too. Lots of good stuff.

Today's Babysteals deal is a two-pack of Babylegs for half off. The pink ones are sold out as of right now, but there's some of the navy/Ivy League sets left.

Little Dudes and Divas has sets at half-off. While I am not crazy about the name of their establishment, they do have "choose your designs" 3-,4-,5-, or 6-packs for half their normal price. There's a limited selection of designs to chose from for the deal, but some cute selections are to be had and the price is great.

BabySnazz has some not-quite-as-good discounts on quite a few designs, as well as "Skidpants," which also appear to be baby legwarmers in cute designs. I don't know much about the website or the Skidpants brand, but they are nice-looking.

I just ordered Piper some very cute See Kai Run shoes that were on mega-sale at Amazon ($15 for shoes that are normally $36? Yes, please!) and I am having to restrain myself from going buck-wild with the Babylegs today. The weather here has cooled off considerably and she wears a pair pretty much every day now, either in place of pants (we have precious few items of cold-weather clothing that will fit over the lumpy bulk of cloth diapers), or under dresses. I am trying not to use this "but she wears them every day!" thing to justify whipping out the Fantastic Plastic and ordering up a few dozen more pairs. They're on SALE, fer crying out loud, HALF OFF. The only thing that has stopped me so far is looking at the sales and realizing just how many of those designs we already own.